so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
