I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
