You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
