We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
