there were more penises there than on chat roulette
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
