Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize