The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize