The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
