the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
