I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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