i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
