dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
