dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
