he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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