i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
