Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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