So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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