so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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