Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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