Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
