Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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