oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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