saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
