My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
