Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
