yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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