You're completely useless in the revolution.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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