yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
