Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
