What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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