I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
