Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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