why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
