All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
