I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize