is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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