6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
a search helicopter?!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
