He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
