they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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