He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Vodka?
Forever.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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