I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
