Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
