Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
