It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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