I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
