ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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