put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
