are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
