Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
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