my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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