some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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