woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
