no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
