JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
