At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
