I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
