so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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