friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
