I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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