isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
