Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
