So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize