So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
