i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
