also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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