Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
do herpes really smell.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
