yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
