He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
