You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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