i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
