I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If that was your dad, he is hot
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
