I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I fill condoms, not promises.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
