i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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