The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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