Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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