You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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