i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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