Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I need to sanitize my soul.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
