it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
