You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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